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Big_Bill_Hell's

Big Bill Hell's

(NSFW) Only in Baltimore....

Big Bill Hell's is a spoofing ad for a fake car dealership in Baltimore, Maryland. It was originally made for an award show called The Ad Follies (produced by the Advertising Association of Baltimore) in 1990, to mock the top ad agencies in the city.

The ad was never aired on local television, and was never shared publicly, until a person who worked in a video production facility came across the tape. It was uploaded online in 2006, and circulated since then.

Synopsis[]

The ad begins with "FUCK YOU, BALTIMORE!". All throughout, stock footage of cars driving (particularly from dealership commercials) are seen, with frequent cut-ins with yellow phrases said by the announcer on a blue gradient background.

Transcript[]

Fuck you, Baltimore!

If you're dumb enough to buy a new car this weekend, you're a big enough schmuck to come to Big Bill Hell's cars!

Bad deals! Cars that break down! Thieves!

If you think you're gonna find a bargain at Big Bill, you can kiss my ass!

It's our belief that you're such a stupid motherfucker, you'll fall for this bullshit! Guaranteed!

If you find a better deal, shove it up your ugly ass! You heard us right, shove it up your ugly ass!

Bring your trade, bring your title, bring your wife! We'll fuck her! That's right, we'll fuck your wife!

Because at Big Bill Hell's, you're fucked six ways from Sunday!

Take a hike to Big Bill Hell's, home of challenge pissing! That's right, challenge pissing!

How does it work? If you can piss six feet in the air straight up and not get wet, you get no down payment!

Don't wait, don't delay, don't fuck with us, or we'll rip your nuts off!

Only at Big Bill Hell's, the only dealer that tells you to fuck off!

Hurry up, asshole! This event ends the minute after you write us a check, and it better not bounce or you're a dead motherfucker!

Go to hell! Big Bill Hell's Cars: Baltimore's filthiest and exclusive home of the meanest sons of bitches in the state of Maryland! Guaranteed!

Why It's Cursed[]

If the massive abundance of swear bombs that would make South Park or even Saturday Night Live proud doesn't make the commercial cursed, then nothing does. Also, the narrator, or “Big Bill”, thinks every single person viewing this is male. The “challenge pissing” and “rip your nuts off” lines totally give it away. They also tell you to bring your wife so they can bang her.

Also, there's an impossible task called "Challenge Pissing", in which in that task, you piss 6 feet in the air straight up without getting wet. Anyone succeeds with the task will get no down payment.

Trivia[]

  • The music used in the commercial is "Deadlines" by Craig Palmer.
    • This, along with most of the Network Music Ensemble tracks, were used in TV commercials (especially the car dealerships) and newscasts during 80's and 90's.
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